This is the most powerful story in the world. I love, and yet hate, reading it. I love it and hate it for almost the same reason. I love what Jesus did for me. I hate the fact that it was necessary.

All of us are sinners. Not a single one of us can say we have never done wrong in our lives. It is true that to us, some sins seems worse than others. We, as humans, certainly feel that killing another person is worse than telling our mother we can’t talk on the phone right now because someone is at the door when no one is actually there, for instance. In God’s eyes, however, even a little white lie deserves the death penalty. But, He is a merciful God, and He is a loving God, and He does not want us to suffer that fate. He sent His only Son, Jesus, to earth to teach us, and to pay the price for our ugliness. This fate was not fair to Jesus. He died a horrible death for me and for you. He was tortured and humiliated, and His friends deserted Him. He did not have to do this. He was innocent. But He did it anyway, and all God asks of us is that we accept His gift, that we acknowledge the truth, and that we decide to love Him and follow Him.

I accepted Christ when I was 16. I guess I was old enough then to realize that I was a sinner, but I was also young enough that I didn’t understand the price I would need to pay to be a follower. I made a lot of bad decisions as a teenager, both before and after I accepted Christ. I’ve made some bad decisions as an adult too. I have finally gotten to the point now where I am willing to take a deeper look into myself and see what I need to fix in my life to be closer to what God wants me to be. That’s what I am trying to do as I read my Bible and write this blog. I have not been keeping this blog for long now, but I do feel it has changed my outlook on things in my life. I don’t feel as hopeless about things anymore. For a while there, I think I was in a rut, and I wanted out, and I know God wanted me to get out of it too! He led me to start this blog, and I am sorry to say I have not been as faithful about it as I intended to be in the beginning. I hope He understands.

I really feel sorry for Peter and Judas. I know it sounds weird to feel bad for Judas since He betrayed Jesus. I really identify with both of them in this story. I identify with Judas because I betray Jesus every time I commit a sin, no matter how small it may be. Every time I do something against what God would have me do, I am giving those religious leaders in Jerusalem a reason to kill Him. It’s a depressing and self-depreciating thought, but it is a true one. I identify with Peter too because he denies knowing Jesus three times, as Jesus predicted, because he was afraid the people around him would realize he was one of the disciples and kill him too. I have been around people many times who weren’t Christians and maybe I didn’t flat out deny that I knew Christ, but I certainly didn’t speak up for my God. I’m really not the type to go around preaching the gospel to any and all who can hear it. I guess it just isn’t my calling to do that. In fact, I haven’t to this day told a single person other than my husband that I am writing this blog. That is how much of a preacher I am not! I hope I’ll have the courage soon to send a link to someone I know and have him or her check it out, but I’m not ready yet. Hopefully, God will give me this courage at some point. I’ll do it when He leads me to do it, but not a moment before.

I have not had too many readers of my blog yet, unfortuately, but I am praying that whoever chooses to read it enjoys it and finds a little inspiration for his or her own life in it. It has really helped me rediscover my relationship with God, and I hope it will inspire someone else out there to commit to reading the Bible and praying daily as well. Know that whoever you are, I am praying for you, and I hope you will take some time from your busy life to pray for me as well.